It's a helluva start...

How recognizing and clarifying what makes you happy can transform your experience of love.

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize

what makes you happy.”

- Lucille Ball, June 22, 1993

I implore you:

Imagine the ideal partner for you:

A connection with a friend, family member, or loved one with whom you want to connect with, talk to, and spend a LOT of time with.

Now list the qualities of that person:

1. They listen really really well.

2. They ask follow up questions to show engagement and clarify to learn more.

3. They offer similar stories and show that they understand and can relate to my experience(s).

4. They push me, kindly, gently and firmly into a better version of myself.

5. When they hear me say something unkind about myself, they say things like, “Now wait a minute. I guess I have a very specific and different perspective on this.”

6. They acknowledge that there is a deeper, younger and more ancient wisdom within them that leads them to connect and be with you and that they are in it for the long hall, with you for the long haul and you both know it.

7. They fuck with you. They fuck with you in beautiful and complex ways that push you to better know and love yourself and them all at once and you know, inherently that the stretch marks, the pull and pain of this growth, is worth it.

8. They love you unabashedly.

   Unabashedly: an adverb that means doing or saying something openly, confidently, and without apology, shame, or embarrassment. It describes someone who is completely unbothered by what others might think and fully embraces who they are or what they love.

9. They’re kind.

10. They keep the conversation going just to hear your voice.

Now list how you feel when you are with them:

1. I feel magical, like pure magnificent magic.

2. I feel beyond worthy of love and attention.

3. I feel magnetic, infatuating, fulfilling and completely and utterly satisifying to love

4. I feel held and understood

5. I feel excited, optimistic, powerful, capable, effective, efficient, and miraculous.

6. I feel engaged and hopeful. (Optimism saves lives!)

7. I feel nurtured and like they have my back.

   1. No matter how gruff they may appear at times, they show the fuck up.

8. I feel like my dreams are possible and meaningful and that the whole world will benefit from knowing and hearing from me.

9. They believe in me and my dreams

10. I feel like I have a teammate for the daily and for when the world ends.

11. I feel playful and safe to take playful “risks” allowing myself to be stupid, ridiculous, annoying, irreverent, and hilarious.

12. I feel excited about their life and excited about my life!

List the behaviors of your ideal romantic partner:

1. They turn me on like crazy, even when I’m upset with them.

2. I love the way their skin feels, their hands, their tongue, their mouth, and their eyes on me.

3. They notice me and every little thing about me. They want more and more of me, and to know me and my experience(s).

4. They have eros and passion and efficiency and are able to accomplish the things they desire.

5. They do work that fills them up and leaves them feeling eager and excited and satisfied!

6. They are in love with themselves the way I am. They can be humble about it.

7. They slow me down just right when I need it.

8. They make me wanna shake my hips, then swirl them, and then grind and grind and grind.

9. They show me when they’re starving for me!

10. They like it when I tease them first.

A friend, shade-drenched and exuberant visited my garden office yesterday. She told me the story of the Misty Fawn:

A small fawn awoke to a magnificent smell. Eager to know where it was coming from, the fawn searched all around the forest for the source of the wonderful smell. She searched high and low, and low and high, sniffed at so many trees and flowers and animals. Finally, calm, and still curious, she noticed that the smell was coming right from her own forehead.

I implore you:

1. Imagine the ideal partner for you. A connection with a friend or loved one with whom you want to connect with, talk to, and spend time with.

2. Now list the qualities of that person.

3. Now list how you feel when you are with them.

4. List the behaviors of your ideal romantic partner.

5. Now become them.

6. Enjoy!

Garden Dog & Toes

With My Updates

How I am

I listen really really well

I ask follow up questions to show engagement and to clarify to learn more

I offer similar stories and show that I understand and can relate to others’ experience(s)

I push you, kindly, gently and firmly into a better version of yourself, if you ask for my help

When I hear you say something unkind about yourself, I say things like, “Now wait a minute I guess I have a very specific and different perspective on this”

I acknowledge that there is a deeper, younger and more ancient wisdom within me that leads me to connect and be with you

I listen to this wisdom

I know that I am in it for the long hall, with you for the long haul, and we both know it

I fuck with you I fuck with you in beautiful and complex ways that push me to better know and love myself and yourself all at once and I know, inherently that the stretch marks, the pull and pain of this growth, is worth it

I love you unabashedly

I am kind

I keep the conversation going just to hear your voice

How I feel

I feel magical, like pure magnificent magic

I feel beyond worthy of love and attention

I feel magnetic, infatuating, fulfilling and completely and utterly satisfying to love

I feel held and understood

I feel excited, optimistic, powerful, capable, effective, efficient, and miraculous

I feel engaged and hopeful

I feel nurtured and like everyone has my back

No matter how gruff I may appear at times, I show the fuck up

I feel like my dreams are possible and meaningful and that the whole world will benefit from knowing and hearing from me

I believe in me and my dreams! Amy For Class President!

I feel like I am a teammate for the daily and for when the world ends

I feel playful and safe to take playful “risks” allowing myself to be stupid, ridiculous, annoying, irreverent, and hilarious

I feel excited about your life and excited about my life!

How I am erotically, sexually, and as a romantic partner

I turn myself on like crazy, even when I’m upset with myself

I love the way my skin feels, my hands, my tongue, my mouth, and my own eyes on me

I notice myself and every little thing about me

I want more and more of me, and to know me and my experience(s) even better

I have eros and passion and efficiency and am able to accomplish the things I desire

I do work that fills me up and leaves me feeling eager and excited and satisfied!

I am in love with myself the way I am I can be humble about it

I slow myself down just right when I need it

I make myself wanna shake my hips, then swirl them, and then grind and grind and grind

I am clear about my desire for myself when I am starving for me!

I like it when I tease myself first

I am gentle

I am calm

I am present

I am here

My garden library today!

With gratitude,

Amy